Tattered Kingdom
by Muri-chan
Summary: The Sanc Kingdom collapses in a terrible battle, leaving young Zechs alone and desparate to avenge the death of his family.
1. Default Chapter

Voices

Voices.So many voices that I can't recognize.I can feel the hint of anxiety hanging like a cloud throughout the room.But, this isn't my room.Slowly I crack open my eyes to the bright fluorescents.Figures I can only assume are human scurry about me and you can actually taste the bitter tension radiating off their bodies.I move my lips to speak only to find that my body will not obey my order.Suddenly, I lack the ability to even breathe.

"He's lost too much blood, he's going into hypovolemic shock," a man states from right next to my head.

This isn't right, I am not suppose to be the one here dying from blood loss.I am the lightning count, the invincible Zechs Merquise.I am not the one who was supposed to loose that battle, and I should not be the one here fighting for my life.In such a lowly battle, the valiant should not fall.Not that I deserve to live either.

I have battled for years, taking lives with barely a second thought.Fighting within a mobile suit takes the persona out of the participants.They are huge metal monsters whose soul is the human being within it.I could only imagine how war was waged before machines.Back when you had to face your enemy.

I wasn't always this way.There was a time when my life wasn't lived to kill.There was a point in time when my life was filled with happiness.But, that time feels like a lifetime ago. I can barely recall the faces of my parents.They were kind people dedicated to the sanctity of peace.My father a noble man and king of the Sanc Kingdom.My mother was a free spirited woman who devoted her life to her country and then to her family.

~~ The warm summer breeze carries the scent of the sea to my chambers.Standing by the open window I breathe in the fresh smells of the morning before pondering what activities the day will bring.Yesterday had taken me to the palace's garden. I spent hours trying to loose myself in the well-manicured "forest".I could almost imagine the creatures that could dwell in such a place.

'Today will be just as wonderful', I promise myself as I take off running down the hall.I pass by expensive tapestries from the 18th century and bright ornaments scattered slightly out of reach, but only one of those pieces catches my attention.It reaches for me and draws me closer.I tentatively touch the gleaming metal.I admire the precise lines that create the razor sharp edge.The delicate quality that creates the deadly but noble instrument causes a shiver to run down my spine.

"Master Milliardo, you shouldn't be touching that," a highly familiar voice states from behind me startling me out of my reverie.As I quickly turn to face Mayle, a woman who has been working in the palace since before I was born."Your father would be most upset if he knew that you took a liking to that hateful weapon."

"But Mayle if father hates war so much, why does he have this weapon here?"

"I never ask your father why he does such things.Even though I have worked here for so long, I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate to put me out of a job.Now you, young master, must make your way into the dining room.You know how angry your father gets if you don't eat a proper breakfast."

I steal one last glance and the sword before continuing on my morning journey.I only make it half way to my destination before I am stopped by a soft sound.I tiptoe my way to the door that was blocking the sound from me and gently push open the door.The sight that greets me makes my smile grow even wider.I watch as my young sister holds her arms open wide beckoning my mother for a warm embrace.The bright grin on her face could light up the entire room.Ever since she was born she has always seemed to be the perfect child, always happy and did whatever she was told.I, on the other hand, always found myself on the short end of my father's temper.

Turning from the scene I resume my travel to the dining room where I am sure my father is still sitting, waiting for me to join him.He did that every morning, I assume it's because he wants me to feel like he's a part of my life even though I barely ever see him.He is usually off in meetings with political leaders.He tries his best, but it's not like having a real father there.I always wish for a storybook father, one who will take you out to the park or play a game with you.Instead I have to find my entertainment by myself or with the swarms of palace workers. Mayle was the one who usually spent time with me since she has practically replaced my father in my life.

I finally arrive at the dining room where I find my father sitting at the head of the long oak table.His hands support his head as he eyes me from across the room."You're late this morning Milliardo."

It is at this time that I realize that my father was not sitting there alone this morning."I apologize father, it was wrong of me to keep you waiting."

"Milliardo, I'd like you to met Senator Darlian."

"Pleased to met you sir," I state with a bow before turning to take my place in one of the high backed chairs.

"What a fine boy you have your majesty," Senator Darlian states to my father, as if I'm not sharing the room with them."I was wondering if I could discuss the issue of the Alliance Military with you.It seems that their attacks are getting closer to our kingdom.I'm afraid that if we don't take action now we'll find ourselves as the next target.We can't stand against a force like that."

"We will continue with the present course of actions Senator. If we continue to negotiate the Alliance will see that we are right in our course of actions and therefore not attack us.It is only a matter of time before pacifism spreads through out this world."My father is so adamant about his beliefs that he can't imagine why one would not adopt them for their own.

"But your majesty, does it not bother you that your people might be attacked?"

"I understand your concern, but I know that that will never happen Senator.The Alliance will come to their senses soon.In the mean time, I hope that you find some more pressing issues to discuss with me."

"Yes sir."I can tell that the Senator is extremely upset from the meeting as he sulks out of the room.I have no understanding of the conversation, but I can tell that my father is not in the best of moods either.I had barely begun eating my breakfast when my father tells me to leave.Confused, I leave the table sparing my father a last glance before exiting the room.


	2. End of Peace

Part 2

Part 2

After this morning's events with my father, I decided to stay as far away from the palace as I possibly could.I stole myself into a grove of chestnut trees on the east side of the gardens.The canopy allowed a small amount of light to reach the dirt floor as I trace through the well-worn path.It always amazed to walk through the silent giants.Also how enormous these patient lives could become.Mayle had explained to me one day how a tiny seed grew into these great trees that loom over our heads.After time and a bit of luck even the smallest of seed could grow up majestic and strong.

I reach a clearing amid the dense trees.I always come to this spot when I want to be alone.Only minimal light reaches the clearing giving it an eerie, almost forbidden effect.After scurrying up a fallen tree, I snap off a straight branch and head back down to the ground.Wielding the branch like a sword I imitate the fighters from the old television programs that I watch when no one is paying attention.I face off against my invisible opponent, blocking every attack and advancing quickly.

"Nice parry."The shock from the intruding voice causes my body to go ridged and I drop the branch."Your father would rupture his spleen if he knew what you were doing."

"You won't tell him, will you Mayle?"

"I don't think I could ever do that to you Master Milliardo."She delicately takes a seat on the ground, careful so as not to dirty her uniform, and then gently pats the ground next to her.I take her invitation and set myself down at her side."You know your father is a really wonderful man.He's done so much for everyone here.I'm sure that you'll grow up to be a strong leader just like him."

I ponder her words for a moment before responding, "What is father doing?"

"Why he's creating peace young master."

"But the man this morning said we're going to be attacked!"

"It's none of my business what was said this morning.We can only have faith that your father knows what he is doing."

We sit in silence as endless minutes tick by.Although it should have been, the void of talking was not awkward.Mayle and I always had a connection ever since I could remember.I only see father during our daily breakfast meetings.And now ever since Relena was born, my mother has been so entranced by the girl I never see her anymore.Mayle is the only who will stay with me.With her soft blue eyes and flowing bronze hair, she always has a sort of peace that surrounds just her.Her half smiles meant only for me always spark a giggle to escape my lips.We had our secrets too.She was sure to always keep from my father my actions that would surely warrant a severe punishment, like my pretend sword fighting today.

I also knew about some of Mayle's past, of which she never told anyone.She was a refugee from a space colony before the military took control, back when she was only thirteen.She lost her entire family during that time, her parents we're killed attempting to flee and her older brother was captured while trying to get to the shuttle that only she had managed to board. When she came here she was desperate, with no money and no friends; she had nothing.My father gave her a job here in the palace and a reason for her to continue to living.

Mayle was designated my caregiver because of her sweet disposition and knowledge of space.She would tell me stories about outer space at bedtime, but after hearing the wondrous tales I could never fall asleep.She knew the legends of most every constellation and would tell me of the long ago cultures that discovered each one.Even at the age of nineteen she is one of the most knowledgeable persons that I know

She was the one who created my need to know every aspect of outer space.She planted the seed inside of me that would grow until it devoured me whole.

"What are you thinking about child?"

"Just how wonderful it is to have you."

"That's so kind of you to say.Now come over here and give old Mayle a hug!"She scoops me up into a warm embrace.

"You're not old Mayle!"

"Once again you're being too kind!"With that statement she plants a kiss on my cheek.I quickly try to wipe it away while spouting off nonsense about germs.She wrestles me to the ground; tickling my sides till my face is red and I can't stop laughing.She finally stops after a few minutes of my pleading.It was then when we heard the first of the mobile suits flying overhead. ~~~

The pain, it's the only thing I can feel right now.Not only the pain in my body, but in my heart.I had let them all down.I didn't become the strong leader that I was supposed to become; instead I'm out on the battlefield taking orders from my superiors.My hands have become so saturated with blood that I can see the vile red liquid coating every surface.It spreads from my hands, up my arms and consumes my entire being.I wince as a new lance of pain stabs through my abdomen.

"Get him back under now!I can't do surgery if he's awake!Pay attention to the patient and not the nurse!"

As suddenly as I woke up I slip back into the oblivion that is my subconscious.


	3. Falling From Grace

Part 3 Falling From Grace

Part 3 Falling From Grace

//The peace of space.A place of death, but with so much power.Yet within this hollow and desolate void there is a chance to create a new world.

A place where mistakes of the past can be rectified.Changes can be made.Worlds can be born.

Each star becomes a testament to the great power that controls the direction of all things.

Floating, there is no true death here.Just an infinite amount of space and time.

Lost, within the bonds that money brings.Locked away for all eternity

Harboring anguish, pain, guilt.Become one with self, people world.//

~~We were just enjoying ourselves in the clearing when the deafening roars started.The rumble growing like distant thunder.Since then, the sound has been growing louder with every passing moment.I had never heard something so earsplitting in all my life.I can't even imagine what sort of creature could make suck a noise.I soon cover my ears to block out a small portion of the horrendous noise.

"What is that Mayle?"I yell.I look stare intently at her, but she doesn't take notice

"Let's get somewhere safe," Mayle states as she grabs my hand and takes off through the grove.She moves fast and I can barely feel my feet pounding on the ground.The trees pass by as a blur as Mayle keeps up her frivolous pace.My heart is pounding so fast I can barely breathe.My young body tires quickly, but I am forced to press onward or get drug along behind.

Mayle stops abruptly at the mouth of the trees.The inertia from our run almost sends my body careening forward into the clearing of the gardens.She quickly pulls me back under the slight cover of the trees and listens to the monstrous beasts, carefully calculating the next move.I can tell that she knows what is happening, but just won't tell me.She is running purely on instinct, every decision that she makes will affect out lives.One wrong move and it's checkmate.

"What is it, Mayle?"

"Shh!"I have never seen her face so distraught before.I can see the terror flickering through her eyes.When she felt it was safe enough for us to pass through the gardens to the palace, we darted out of the grove.Dodging around shrubs and lattices covered in grapevines.The ground is littered with debris that has been blown off the nearby trees.The gardens had always been carefully tended to, now they look as if a war took place in them.

We only covered half of the distance before I was thrown to the ground, a body shielding my own. I can feel the tremor through the earth the moment the explosion sounds.Chunks of dirt and grass rain down upon us.I barely have time to think of how close the blast was before Mayle pulls me back up to my feet.When we continue towards the palace, I notice that we aren't moving as fast this time.It is then that I see the grimace on her face.She was trying to hide it, but after knowing her all my life, I can tell that she is hurting…badly.

The awesome noise is getting louder again.I take my first glance at the sky since the whole commotion began.A giant machine is circling and making its way back towards the palace.Its human-like features catch me off guard.In the old films they had tanks, but nothing as complicated as the metal beast flying in our direction.It lifts its weapon, a giant gun of some sorts.It aims at a truck in front of the palace and fires in rapid succession.The explosion causes the vehicle to soar upwards before crashing back down onto the pavement as a lump of twisted metal.

My arm is almost ripped out of the socket when Mayle decides to change our course.We are not heading towards the palace anymore.I almost question her motives for the decision, but I realize the answer for myself.There is more then one suit attacking.Rising from the great palace are billows of black, acrid smoke.

The palace is burning.~~

So tired, my body feels like it's been beaten beyond recognition.I can't tell if I'm alive still.I must be alive; death could never hurt so badly.I try moving my body, but once again it refuses to respond.So cold and so alone, such is my life and what it is destined to be.


	4. I Want To Ask Why

Part 4 I Want To Ask Why

Part 4 I Want To Ask Why

//Why?Why did this happen?

I know you're out there: watching, waiting.

Come and take me!

Free me from my misery!//

~~I watch as the flames lick what used to be my home as Mayle continues to pull me along.My eyes never leave the dancing spirits, as my feet unconsciously keep moving.Mayle carefully ducks us around debris and chunks of earth the size of cars.

"Keep up with me!" Mayle yells at me when I slow my pace.My body has already been pushed well beyond its limits.She appears to have not even tired after being injured."If you want to continue living you will keep up."

Those words chill my blood.There was something new about Mayle that I had never seen before.Her words are cold and distant.She won't even look at me.What is it about these huge machines that can make someone as fun loving as Mayle to become a harsh shell of a person?How many other people feel the same?

She pulls me under the cover of a shrub next to the central gazebo.Hiding between the plant and the structure, we wait.The battle goes on without these two participants.The barrage of bullets continues, the sound of explosions un-relentless.The only reason I am calmed is by Mayle gently stroking my blond hair.It is obviously something that she is doing subconsciously since her eyes and attention are trained on the burning palace.

"Damn them.We had no intention of war, yet they attack us!"I had never heard Mayle curse before and it scares me.She had seemed so unable to use such language.

"Why are they doing this?"

"Because the Alliance is made up of scum who believe war is promise and peace is just a fool's wish.They're afraid of what effects pacifism might have on the world and therefore they are trying to destroy it.So they send these mobile suits into an unarmed country.What cowards they are, I bet the man who ordered this is hiding behind his desk and title at this moment.It's just like the men who make the decisions not to get their hands dirty in the process.Cowardly bastards, all of them.

"Master Milliardo, I beg of you not to become like those men.When you lead, always fight along side those who follow.Then you will be a true leader.Don't let politics interfere with the way that you live your life; it will only burden you even more.Know your enemies, know them better then you know your allies.You will never be defeated if you follow that advice."

The hollow sound of a scream erupts from within the inferno."Mother!She's still inside!"

"Don't move.Do not move one inch from where you are now.Once the suits have left I want you to run.Take the path through the grove to the nearest home.I have no doubt that they will help you.I will come find you when all this is over."

I grab her arm and hold on tight, "Mayle, don't go!"Tears stream out of my eyes; I can't help but have the feeling that I will never see her again."I need you!"My body is shuddering with the sobs and soon she pulls her arm out of my grasp.

"I will see you again, Milliardo."With that she darts off towards the flame-engulfed palace.I can only hide and cry while my best friend risks her life for my family.I watch horrified as she enters the palace pulling her sleeve over her nose.The smoke is pouring out of the entryway in plums.Soon Mayle lets herself be grabbed and pulled into the grasp of the demon.

"No!It wasn't supposed to be this way.You were supposed to teach me about Sagittarius tonight.I was supposed to look at the stars you put up on my bedroom ceiling and name all the constellations that you have taught me.I was supposed to look at the pictures in your astronomy text.But that won't happen now.There is no more bedroom.The text is now ashes.And soon there might not be anymore you, and then the stars will never shine as brightly in the heavens."I whisper to myself, sobs distorting the words.Curling up into a ball I allow the horrible reality to seep in.~~

Faint echoes of my name being called over and over again.I wish to call out to the unknown being, but I am too weak.The soft voice is so inviting, so comforting.I wish to run to its source, but I can't.The heavy restraints of gravity hold me back.'Come, I am here!'The voice grows louder for one repetition before it fades away as if it never existed at all.


	5. Loss Of Innocence

Part 5 Loss Of Innocence

Part 5 Loss Of Innocence

//It's hard for me to remember a time when I wasn't fighting.I know that most people wouldn't believe that he lightning count could have done anything but fight.The most peace filled days were ones I spent in the Sanc Kingdom, but even then I was fighting.Fighting to break free of those thin lines of peace that helped keep the kingdom and my family together.If they didn't have peace, they had nothing.//

~~The noise.The horrific noise is finally dwindling.I fear that if I lift my head up it would cause the siege to begin anew.I don't know how much time has passed; could be minutes, could be hours.All I know is that I can stay in this spot no longer.My body aches from the torment it received today.I fear if I stay in this position much longer I will be forever molded that way.

After carefully raising my head to peer above the bushes, I survey the area looking for signs of the giant machines.Not seeing anything hovering around in the sky, I run.Away from the palace, far from my family, forgetting my best friend.I take the path through the forest, past the place where Mayle and I had sat. I proceed deep into the heart of the grove where only miniscule streams of light permeate the dense canopy.Soon the trees become unfamiliar, as I had not yet previously traveled this far from the palace before.

My body aches all over as I continue away from the carnage, but I keep moving.My mind is flooded with thoughts for everyone who was still trapped within the battle, everyone who I've ever cared about could be dead at this moment and I wouldn't know.I wish that this disaster had never happened.What I wouldn't give to be able to see my mother's smile, to hear my sister's laugh, even to receive the cold shoulder from my father.

My thoughts run aimlessly as I journey forward climbing over rotten trees and ducking under branches.I try to ignore the abrasions and the aching of my overworked muscles, but they keep reminding me that everything has changed.There is no turning back now.

My mind kept me in such a trance that it took me a few minutes to even notice that I had reached the edge of the estate and was now walking down the road towards the Tinley mansion.I had always liked the Tinleys.They rarely visited the palace, but when they did they would bring me a trinket that their son had brought home from his travels.They told me that he would go from place to place learning the culture and languages, finally attempting to instill pacifism on them.With a burst of renewed energy I run the remaining distance.At the front gate I squeeze my body between the bars of the protective barrier.Although during these times that fortification would serve no protection.

I make my way up the front walkway and porch stairs as the tears fill my eyes.Pounding my fists on the front door, I scream for someone to help me.After what felt like an eternity the door opens slightly.I push my way inside and grab a hold of whomever it was standing there.I don't care who is, all I need to know is that I am not alone.

Strong arms lift me up and soon I feel that I am being taken down a staircase.I bury my head further into the man's shoulder, tears soaking into his shirt.

"Look who showed up on our doorstep, Mildred."

"Oh thank goodness he got out safe.The poor dear," Mrs. Tinley pulls me out of her husband's arms and sets me on a blanket thrown on the basement floor.She flips my hair from my face and examines my cuts, making faces at each one."We need to get you cleaned up before all that dirt makes things worse."

My voice fails me, my sobs are the only sounds.Mrs. Tinley takes me into her arms, rocking me gently and cooing in my ear.I'm not alone.I can't help but wish that the person who was now holding me close was Mayle instead of a woman I barely even know.'Oh Mayle, please come back to me'.~~~

Even now those memories still plague my dreams.Every night it's the same, the horrible feelings of loneliness.I never want to feel that lost and alone again.


	6. Don't Leave Me

Part 6 Don't Leave Me

Part 6 Don't Leave Me

//Poetry of the mind.Thoughts.Memories.Creating an intricate ballet unique to the human race, yet completely random in all that it is.Each one a completely different experience.//

~~I wake feeling completely worn out instead of my usual rested vigor.Mrs. Tinley had cleaned and dressed my wounds before my weary body screamed it's final request for rest.Hoping that I would wake up to realize that the past day was only a terrible nightmare was my only wish before drifting off into slumber. I had fallen asleep curled on the blanket as the remaining light of the day drained from the sky.Whoever that great deity is watching over us failed to grant my request.

It is still hours before sunrise, but I can't return to sleep even if I wanted to. I sit up as my stomach begins to growl.I hadn't had a decent meal since the day before yesterday.The Tinleys let me eat some of their military style food, but it tasted like paper to me.

Mr. Tinley must have been awake already, for when I stirred he immediately made his way to my side."How are you feeling Milliardo?" he asks me.

"I…I miss everyone."

He wraps a comforting arm around my shoulders."I know that you must.This is your first time on your own is it not?"I answer him with a nod."You are a brave boy, you know.When I was your age I wouldn't have been able to survive something like you just did.You were roughed up pretty good back there, yet you kept on going.I couldn't imagine going through that, but you pushed your way through it.It shows you how strong you truly are.If you keep that up, you are going to turn into a fine man someday."

"But Mayle…she went back in to help my family.She ran into a burning building without caring.She is the strong one, not me.I ran away." The memory from that moment causes my tears to run anew.

"Milliardo, you must understand that you are still young.The only thing it would have accomplish had you run into that building would have been getting yourself killed.Now what would that do?You should never think of throwing your life away over something like that.In time you can be that stoic person who fights, but not now.It wouldn't accomplish anything if you did it now."

"What if something happened to Mayle?What if she's dead?She risked her life."

"She did something stupid."

I am shocked to hear those words come from Mr. Tinley's mouth.Mayle is a hero in my eyes, doing something even though she could get hurt, or worse."What do you mean she did something stupid?"

"She ran into a situation that she should have had no part of.If she gets killed it will be her own fault."

"How can you say that?She is amazing trying to save my family!You say that, but look at you hiding in this basement.She knew that she could die, but she did it anyways.She couldn't hide from what was happening; she's not like that.How dare you judge her like that."

"Mayle is refugee scum.She ran away from the colonies when the going got a little rough.How's that for your wonderful nursemaid?"

"No!It's not like that.It can't be like that!I don't care what you say, you're wrong!"The Tinley's home never felt so unwelcoming as it does now."I'm leaving."I don't give him a chance to reply before I dash up the stairs and quickly make my way out the front door.I stumble down the steps in a flash and am back through the gate before Mr. Tinley has a chance to wake up his wife.I travel the same path that I did yesterday, only the opposite direction.I'm heading back towards the hell that I ran away from.

The sky is clear and there is nothing menacing hovering above the ground.It seems just like any other day in the kingdom except for one item; the plums of black smoke that still emerge from above the tree line.

I clamber over the fence marking the edge of the property and backtrack my way through the woods.I pass over the same fallen trees and push aside the wooden fingers reaching for my delicate skin.I quicken my pace when I can see the clearing in the distance.I break into a run, avoiding as many natural pitfalls as I go, but am soon sent sprawling on my face when my foot hits a large object.Pushing myself off the ground, I brush off all the leaves and twigs that stick to my clothes.Cursing under my breath at my horrible luck, I am surprised by the sound of moaning.What I had tripped over is now moving.It takes me a moment before I realize who the moaning mound is, but my heart swells as I make the connection.

"Mayle!"I rush to her side while she struggles to sit up.I throw my arms around her and weep into her shoulder.I tell her of all the horrible things that Mr. Tinley said about her and how I ran away from them.

"Milliardo," she says weakly."You need to leave here.You shouldn't have come back."

"I couldn't just leave you here!What about my family?Did they get out alright?"

"Your parents, Milliardo, they…they didn't make it."She puts her arm around my body and pulls me close."I'm so sorry."

Her words shock me.I was so completely sure that Mayle would be able to run in and rescue them all, she should have been the hero."What about Relena?"

"I'm not sure.I didn't see her anywhere.I had to get out before I could look for her more."

"We've got to get out of here, Mayle.You're hurt, someone needs to help you."~~~

The shock of death can catch you off guard.One minute you can be crossing the street, the next minute under the tires of a vehicle.No one knows when the hooded monster will come to claim you.I had no idea that my parents died in such a way, their bodies burnt within the confines of their utopian, yet unrealistic dream.I can look back on it now and imagine the horror of their final minutes, but the blessing of youth kept me from that vision that day.


	7. Time To Leave

Part 7 Time To Leave

Part 7Time To Leave

//A solitary tear can unmask even the deepest and most hidden of emotions.The fear of impending demise can unhinge even the bravest of souls.//

"Come on Mayle, we have to get out of here!"My best friend lies before me battered and bleeding, a hand clenching a large gash on her side.Her uniform is now stained crimson and black, a stark contrast from the neatly pressed outfit of yesterday morning.I grab her arm and attempt to pull her abused body off the ground.I refuse to see the futility of my efforts."Mayle, we have to go!"

"No Milliardo, this is as far as I go.The past six years of my life have been wonderful.But I should have been with my family a long time ago.I tried cheating death, but in the end it always comes to claim you."Tears glisten in the corner of her eyes, but she fights hard not to let them fall.She coughs and my heart breaks at the grimace that plays across her beautiful face. "Remember what I taught you, please."

"Don't talk like that, Mayle.Everything is going to be fine, just wait and see."My own tears track clear streams down my dirt-covered face.I give up on trying to pull her to her feet and instead climb into her lap, throwing my arms around her shaking body.

"I'm scared, Milliardo.I don't know what waits for me but I hope that I get sent up there," she states, pointing at the heavens."I want to be among the stars.It's where I belong, really.I was born within that midnight ocean.I miss it more than words can describe.

"It doesn't hurt so much now."I spare a glance at the blood now seeping between her fingers from the wound."But I'm so very tired." She pulls my arms from around her and lies back down."I'm just going to rest a bit.It won't be too long now."

"No!You are not going to die!"

"Gomen," she replies while weakly reaching to push a lock of hair from my face. A smile brushes over her lips, "You're going to be handsome when you grow up.I just wish I could stay around to see it."

"But you will Mayle, you will."

"It's time that you face up to reality, Milliardo.Things will not always go according to plan.Once you are able to accept that, then life will be much easier to live."

"I won't accept that."

"You can't change it."

"I can try."

"If you feel that way, then I've failed you."A fit of coughing causes her to be cut short.She looks so frail at this moment.Her face, which was always filled with joy and laughter, is now troubled and pained.Her body feels so cold compared to my own.

"You didn't fail me, Mayle.You were all I could have ever wanted.I want you to stay with me forever.There is so much you can teach me about space.Just don't die."

"You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that.But I'm afraid that I can't be there for you.If you ever need me, all you have to do is look inside your heart.I'll always be there if you want me to be."She closes her eyes looking much more at peace, "Gomen nasai."

I weep freely over the body of the person I loved and respected.She was everything to me.She shaped who I am.Six wonderful years with this truly enchanting human being, a person whose affect will linger on for many years to come.I feel cheated.She is not supposed to be gone forever.

A part of myself dies along with her.A piece so deeply buried inside that I was unaware of its presence, but once it is gone, I feel the hollow it leaves behind.~~

Mayle shouldn't have died that day.There was nothing I could do to stop it though.She was never buried; I covered her with ground debris and knelt by her side.I would be the only one who would cry for her, the only one who cared.

That day I made a vow.


	8. The Road Traveled

Part 8 The Road Traveled

Part 8The Road Traveled

Six years ago, my life was forever altered.My homeland was destroyed, my family killed, and my hopes crushed.I still recall the tragic events that lead to my downfall with startling regularity, each time the scene bloodier and more violent then the previous.Even though the images have lost most all of their truth, I still have problems determining which come from my memories and which from my own imagination.I left my homeland with out a second glance, determination my only guide.

After the Sanc Kingdom, fell I found myself alone.I had yet to learn the harsh reality of the surrounding world.I once found myself complaining of my father's adamant faith in a nutritious breakfast, later I found myself surviving for days on an amount of food smaller then most breakfasts he made me eat.There were times when I wondered for days thinking of nothing except my vow.

Three weeks after leaving Sanc, I found myself in Glentonville, a small town notorious for hoodlums and gangs.It didn't take long for a member of the Tigerfang to find me.I was wondering through a back alley, trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible, when I was knocked unconscious by a brick to the base of my skull.When I woke, I found myself at the feet of the Tigerfang leader, Rex.His demeanor radiated frigidness.Even his stance told me that I wasn't what he wanted to see.He told me to stand up, which I did.His foot connected with my stomach, the impact sending me halfway across the room.He then told me to stay on the ground or he was going to kill me.Instead of listening to him, I forced myself to my feet.

After that, Rex beat me so badly.I'm surprised he didn't end up killing me.I often questioned myself why I stood up that second time, even knowing that Rex could kill me at any moment if he so desired.Yet I stood and defied him.The only conclusion that I have been able to draw is that I couldn't stay on the ground.I felt deep within me that not standing would be the same as giving up.There was no way I would give up until I fulfilled my promise.

Once Rex was done with me he had one of his girls take care of me.It took two weeks for me to recover from the beating.Once I was able to walk again, I was allowed free roam of the territory.A week after I fully recovered Rex took me aside.He told me that I had a lot of guts for a kid.He was so impressed with my will to succeed, which was why he didn't kill me before.He also confessed that if I had stayed down on the ground during that fight, he would have killed me without a second thought.After that, I was considered a part of the gang, but not a full member, which would require more then defying the leader.

I learned how to survive during the two years I spent with the Tigerfang.Each day I struggled to help get food for the ever-hungry senior members.I can't recall a day that I didn't have to fight someone; rival or ally.A fight around there could be caused by something as trivial as a wrong sidelong glance.

By the end of my second year I found myself in a disagreement with Rex.We argued bitterly for hours before he finally dismissed me from the gang.I assume he did this because he couldn't deal with the fact that an 8 year old could prove him wrong.

Once again I was alone in the world, but this time I had acquired skills for living.I lived in barns, sheds, and any abandoned shack I could find; staying in each dwelling for a week or less.I worked odd jobs in the small towns I came across while traveling.Most jobs dealt with illegal products, but it was the only work a kid on his own could find.They never paid much, but it was enough to keep my fed.

Traveling was something I had always enjoyed, except when it became a necessity.After a couple of days in a town, people would start to suspect that I was a runaway.A few times the townspeople accused me of crimes that I had not committed (I tried to keep a low profile by not stealing much).I was the no-named kid who'd do most anything for cash.

I survived those four long years that way, running away from my past whenever it threatened to return to me.Those hard years have brought me to where I am now, the gate of my redemption.The cold iron the only thing separating my past from my future.~~

I sit on my hospital bed, a stabbing pain ripping through my abdomen.I try not to remember the past, but it keeps seeping into my brain, taking over my every thought.Why it is coming back to me now I do not know.Previous brushes with death have never caused me to re-evaluate my life, why now?


	9. Victoria

Part 9 Victoria

Part 9Victoria

//I was always told of the pearly white gates that would lead me to the love-filled hope of the afterlife, a monument to the ingenuity of my parents and my lack of self-thought.Now I know that those gates aren't white, but a cold, dusty gray.They also don't lead to the love-filled hope that all people dream of, but to the bitter reality that life is hard and the road to redemption even harder.Traveling through that gate was the hardest journey I have faced yet.//

~~The office I sit in is dark even with the curtains open.The faux-leather armchair I am perched upon clings to my bare arms.The mahogany desk that dominates the small office commands any visitor to marvel at its presence.My heart feels as though it's stuck in my throat, courteousy of the man currently residing behind the aforementioned desk.He is a middle-aged man with gray, thinning hair. His half glasses reminding me of the kind an old inn's keeper had, whom I met in my travels.His air of authority is a drastic change from the street bums I worked for previously.Staring intently at his terminal monitor, I believe him to be taking his time reviewing the results just to cause my anticipation to grow to an astounding level.

"You come to me with no past, wearing tattered clothes, with no money, thievery and fighting your only skills, and you refuse to tell me your real name," the man states solemnly causing my face to drop."This academy prides itself on producing the finest soldiers and pilots. Each student becomes an unparalleled being proficient in all areas of academia."He eyes me suspiciously."You claim a vast knowledge of space.For some reason I highly doubt it, but if you can prove me wrong we might be able to find a place for you."

I almost completely loose all the courage that I had stored up for this moment.Yes, I do know more about space than anyone I've ever met, other then Mayle, but I haven't recalled any of the facts since that fateful day six years ago.He crosses his arms across his chest, peering over his glasses, waiting.

After taking a deep breath I begin, "The first probe to enter space was the

Russian Sputnik in 1957 AD.A satellite fashioned after the original Hubble was launched into the orbit of Pluto in 2312 AD, furthering the plotting of the known universe.Since then space exploration has progressed by leaps and bounds.With the creation of vernier rockets and hyper drives, manned vessels were able to stretch the boundaries of the traveled universe.The revolutionization of space colonization was with the first civilian colony in space.Previous to that only few people spent long periods of time in the ever-growing International Space Station.The first star reached was the Strontolia in the Tore region in the year AC 97, by the ship Intruperter."

"I must admit I misjudged you."

Hearing those words uttered causes my heart to leap into my throat. All that I had learned from my long gone teacher has stayed with me even through my troubled times, when all I wished for was to forget everything in my past.'Thanks Mayle.'

The dean presses the intercom on his desk, which is answered by a spunky

young woman.He asks her to retrieve someone then returns his attention to me."If you plan to study here you must go by a name.Do you have anything in mind?"

I really hadn't given much thought into picking a name.For the past six years I've been known as: Kid, Brat, Blondie, Squirt, and Shorty.No one had thought to call me something other then those, and I cared not what they called me as long as it wasn't connected with my past."I have no idea, sir."

"Well, I'll give you some time to think about it."A knock comes from the door and the dean quickly leaves his chair to answer it.A boy around my age enters the office, he looks around slightly nervously as though he is expecting some sort of punishment.He notices my presence and visibly relaxes."Jeremy, this is a new student.He will be sharing the room with you.I want you to show him around the school.Make sure he knows where his classes are and take him to get a uniform."Jeremy nods and waits for me as I gather up the heavy shirt I wear to protect myself from the bitter cold nights.

After the dean's office is safely behind us Jeremy breaks the silence, "So what's your name?"

"Give me an hour and I'll think of one." I reply hastily.

"What do you mean?Didn't your parents give you a one?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."


	10. Birth of Name

Part 10 Birth of Name

Part 10Birth of Name

//What is a name?A signifier of who you are?Something deeper and more profound?Does the name of a man tell you who or, more importantly, what he is?If I claim a new name does that old named part of me whither and die?Can I really become someone else by changing something that is the very essence that is me?//

Jeremy takes me across the campus pointing out all the areas he finds important: locker rooms, cafeteria, and of course the mobile suit simulation arena.He explains in great detail about how the simulator actually felt like being in a real cockpit.

"So you've flown before?" I question him.

"Well no, but my brother is one of the best pilots around.He let me sit in one once, didn't get to fly it though.Maybe someday you'll get to meet him.He'll be graduating soon, top of his class."

"Yeah, maybe."

We pass by countless classrooms, void of all occupants they feel like gateways to a new dimension.We come across the school's shop.The clerk gives me the once over before coming over to offer assistance. I can tell by the look on her face that she's concerned that I might steal something.

"Can I help you with something?"

"My buddy here is a new student.He'll be needing books, uniform, the works."

"I see, we might as well get started now before this task takes us beyond closing time."

The clerk, Hope was her name, seemed to transform within a matter of minutes.Now she is a kind and extremely helpful person, as opposed to someone who looked about ready to pull out the nearest weapon if you so much as looked at her merchandise wrong.The name Hope seems to fit her well.She is the type of person who can instill a sense of well being into someone, regardless of who they are.

We are just about to leave, my new supplies in hand, when a semi-familiar face passes by the front entrance.It's no one who I can name, but the face is eerily similar to…

"Yo, new kid!Are you just gonna stand there or are we gonna go back to the room?" Jeremy says with his hands on his hips, an impatient look in his eyes.

"Uh, yeah.We should go."I can't place the face, but I know I had seen that man before.

"Have you come up with a name yet?This new kid stuff is getting old quick." Jeremy pries as we walk through the empty corridor.

"I haven't had a name in six years."

"Wow, what about before then?"

"I'd rather not remember."

"There you go again."

"There are just some things that should remain in the past."

"Gotcha, so what about a new name?Want it to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies like…. Maximum Power?"

"The only thing that name would strike would be the enemy laughing me down."

"Well you have to choose something, what did they call you during these last six years?"

"Nothing much, and definitely not something to conjure up any semblance of fear at it's utterance."Six years of forgetting about the six years I spent as Milliardo Peacecraft."Six, my life revolves around that number."

"I hate to break it to you, but six isn't a good name."

"Zechs."

"All that is is another word for six."

"It's better then six isn't it?"

"Well yeah, I guess it has some potential.Zechs the killing machine, it has a nice ring to it."

"Only to your deaf ears."

"What's that suppose to mean?"~~

Jeremy was a good friend, but a lousy student.I'm surprised he lasted long at the academy.I'm tired now.My fight against remembering my past is a loosing battle.So many memories that I've tried so hard to put behind me, bubbling out of the recesses of my brain.


	11. Lifelong

Part 11 Lifelong

Part 11Lifelong

//The future.The hope for a bright future lies within the hearts of all men.A new beginning, a dream on the verge of taking a hold of you.

The present.Moment by moment, each second developing, unfolding.Ever changing.

The past.Fixated, forever caught in the web of time.Etched for all eternity.//

~~After spending over half the day wondering from one end of the academy to the other, the sight of our shared room brings me great relief.The campus is surprisingly large for a military school, yet oddly comforting and home-like.The smell of fuel overpowers the senses and it's not unusual to feel a tremor through the earth as a mobile suit makes it's decent.For some reason the mobile suits don't affect me as much as they should.They were the beasts that destroyed my home, yet I feel a sense of inner tranquility when in the presence of the monstrous beasts.

The room is highly decorated with posters of scantly clad women causing my eyes to switch to viewing the floor and a blush to rise to my cheeks.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"Trying to avoid answering the question?" Jeremy waits for any reaction from his roommate."Ahh well, guess I'll just have to do the talking for both of us then." He says falling into his desk chair and propping his feet up."Yup, it was getting boring around here since it is holiday and all.Not many people stay around here during break, unless they've fallen behind in classes and need minimum distractions to catch up."

"Is that why you're here?"

"Hell no, I'm a genius.But when you got no home, there's not really a place you can go to."

"You have no family either?"

"Just my brother, my parents died two years ago.Left us everything, but we can't touch it till we get out of school.My dad was a rich son of a bitch who was always working.We won't even go into my alcoholic mother who slept with anything that was moving.What about your family?"

"I have no family." I state solemnly never taking his eyes off the floor.

"Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be anyways.Living in a house with constant fighting.Watching some random guy sneak out the back door as you come down for breakfast in the morning.If you don't have a family, at least you can imagine some caring people who for some reason or another lost you in some way.Tragic if you think about it… the son who was stolen away during the dead of night only to fall prey to the onslaught of human reality.Such a tragedy really. Do you imagine what they would have been like if you did have a family?"

"No."  
"Not even once?"

"Never."

"Damn.I would have considered myself lucky to be able to not have known my parents.Then I could have made them these really kick ass people in my imagination.But at least I get a sweet amount of money out of the deal.

"Anyways, enough of this boring stuff…let's go see the mobile suit hangers.I'm sure my brother will be there right now.Maybe he'll even let you sit in the cockpit!"

"Are you sure about me meeting him?"

"Of course!He's super awesome!I'm sure you'll like him, he's smart, dashing, and of course…all the ladies think he's a hunk.Plus he was the one who got the cool name.Man, if I was named Trieze I'd probably have all the chicks hanging on me also.Lucky guy."


	12. Birth of a Soldier

Part 12 Tomorrow
    
    Part 12Birth of a Soldier
    
     

//Elixir of life, potion of death.Why do you haunt me o angel?Is it not enough that you control all of creation?Redemption of my tattered soul lies within your celestial grasp!Heed me and renew my lost hope!//

~~The mobile suit hanger is roughly the size of a giant gymnasium.I can ponder no other words to describe its immensity.Walking next to the feet of these giant machines I feel as insignificant as the bug you crush under your heel.Jeremy leads me through the maze of giants till he finds exactly who he was looking for high on a catwalk above.

"Yo, Trieze!" Jeremy yells up to his brother."Hey bro!Stop ignoring me and come on down here!"

I see his brother's shoulders slump slightly as he grabs the rip line and is lowered gracefully to the concrete below."What is it Jeremy?" Trieze asks, his voice extremely regal even in his indignation of being disturbed while working.He is wearing his school uniform even though classes are not in session yet.

"I wanted you to meet my new roommate, Zechs.Zechs, this is my brother Trieze."

"Nice to meet you." I state keeping my head down and eyes trained on the floor.

"I was hoping you'd take Zechs into the cockpit.I don't want him to be the only one in our class to have never done it."

"You're doing this because you take pity on me?" A slight burning rises to my eyes.

"Hey no!I didn't mean it that way.But you do want to get in one, don't you?"

I let my gaze travel to the metal foot of the nearest suit.Bowing my head to the older boy, "Trieze, I humbly impose myself on you."

"I accept your imposition and I'll give you extra lessons in piloting." Trieze replies with a smile on his face.

"You don't have to do that, I simply wanted the chance…"

"It's my pleasure." He interrupts."I can tell you will make a fine pilot one day."

"That and you kissed his ass," adds Jeremy.

"You could learn something from your roommate Jeremy.The first step to becoming a good soldier is the lesson of humility."

"Better known as humiliation…"

"Stop by tomorrow at 14:00 hours and I'll give you your first lesson.Now if you don't mind, I'll get back to my work." He states turning away from us.

"Let's go Zechs, we have things to do ourselves anyways." Jeremy counters hoping to get a reaction from his brother.He pouts when he is ignored.He pulls me out of the hanger and we walk in the direction of the dorms."He is such a major pain in the ass sometimes.Thinks because he's so damn smart he can treat people like pawns."

"I was hoping to be able to stop at the library before we head back to the room."

"Huh?Yeah, we could do that."

"I'd rather go alone if you don't mind."

"Why would I mind?I hate the stuffy old library anyways.I'll catch you later then."He yells back at me, seeing as he already took off.

I stuff my hands into my pockets and head off to the campus library.It's been years since I stepped foot into the domain of books and for some reason I feel it drawing me in today.I pass through the silent shelves that contain the words of those long gone, these pages the only testament to the reality of their existence.Thoughts of an age before technology placed its choke hold on the world.Wondering through the stacks I absently grab random books, marveling at the ancient bindings that hold the pages in place.I stop at one in particular.Circa 2026…the year of the great uprising.The book is titled "Holding Onto the Past: The Memoirs of Jacques Merquise".I take a seat in a small booth along the wall and flip through the pages.Inside I learn the story of a man who became a heroic soldier who served his country during the uprising and almost died in the furious battle that ensued.He almost ended up sacrificing his life, completely willingly.The perfect soldier.

"That's what I want to become," I whisper to myself."The perfect soldier…Zechs Merquise."~~

Perfect soldier, I did want to become that.I look at the IV that leads to my arm.A perfect soldier wouldn't be stuck in the hospital after a battle.He would have either been victorious, or died grandly in the fight. I will never be that soldier I so desperately wanted to become.


	13. A New Start

Part 13 A New Start

Part 13A New Start

//Rebirth.Contemplate the idea for a moment.Resurrection as a new beginning… becoming an entirely new person.More then a wish, a desire, it is true birth in its second form.The birth of the mind.The body without the mind is just a husk, a dispensable thing.But when the mind enters, the body needs protection, since the mind can not live without its husk.//

The final paperwork is done.Zechs Merquise is officially born.No longer do I have to walk in the shadow of the past.My life is free and I can live it anyway I please.

Upon returning to my room, I find Jeremy sprawled over his bed with his head hanging over the edge, a magazine on the floor below. "How was the library?" he asks without looking up.

"Enlightening."

"For some reason I can't picture that, but I'll take your word for it.I'm hungry."

"Am I supposed to do something about that?"

"I was hoping you'd offer your arm for me to nibble on, but I guess we can go to the cafeteria.Although I'm thinking your arm would taste better."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Let's just say I've eaten two day old bread that tasted better than the stuff these guys try and pass off as food.You'd think they were trying to starve us!"

I keep my mouth shut during Jeremy's rant, more because I would have to explain to him why I would consider any meal a feast.I don't think he would even believe that I have eaten spoiled and molding food or even out of garbage cans.I'd also rather not go around speaking of my low points in life.

"But before we leave.You…" he points at me.

"Huh?"

"You," he pokes me for added emphasis, "are going to take a shower.You reek and you look like shit."

"What?"

"Jeez, you look like you've spent your life on the streets.You'll only get a bad rep around here if you go around looking like that!"A towel and soap are thrown in my direction.I barely have time to catch the items before I'm pushed out the door.I guess a shower isn't a bad idea, couldn't tell you how long it's actually been since I took one.Looking at the closed door to our room I finally give up all reservations and head to wash years worth of horrors away.

The dull clank of the heavy wood shutting behind me echoes around the small tiled enclosure.My heartbeat seems to reverberate off the tiny pieces of ceramic, each meticulously placed into a precise geometric pattern.After stripping myself of my dilapidated garments, I pad across the cool floor.The first jets of cool water cause goose bumps to rise on my naked flesh, but the cool gradually gives way to the warmth struggling to get out.The sounds of the water sooth my thoughts, melding them into a pliable form that I can manipulate.Molding new thoughts for a new person.

Zechs Merquise, the boy who now stands drowning his pain with flesh singeing droplets.All the horrors I have seen and the dirt that soils my soul flow down the drain, back to the earth that gave it life.The torrential flow cleansing the body, heart, and mind.

I don't know how long I stood there letting the water pelt onto my fragile skin, but it doesn't matter.I feel as though I have shed my outer layer and what lies beneath is a fresh new being ready to take on the new challenges that my new life will throw in my direction.


	14. Behind The Mask

Part 14 Behind The Mask

Part 14Behind The Mask

//The face.The mask.Covering the truth.Reinforcing the lie.It holds us back from discovering what a man truly is.A poker face hides the deception, but a true mask will withhold all identity.//

"Wow, it's amazing what a little soap and water can do."Jeremy chuckles at me as I comb out my shoulder length blond locks."You look like a whole new person."

"I do feel that way.Must have been something in your soap."

"Whoa, it has a sense of humor…slight as it may be."

"I'll just have to work on that then."I state shrugging on a light jacket Jeremy is letting me borrow."How about dinner then?"

"Great, I'm starving!I'd eat any slop in the caf the way I'm feeling."We make our way out of the dorms in relative silence broken only by the sounds of Jeremy's apparently malnourished stomach.When I frown at him he just smiles."I can't help it.I'm growing still, I gotta eat."I forgive him for his lame reply as we reach the main building and head down the stairs, the smell of food beckoning us into the shadowy depths.The crypt-like structure loosely termed "the caf", is about the size of the dining hall in the palace.Wait, the size that the dining hall had been before the walls came crumbling down.The cheap tables spread throughout the room are occupied by a handful of students, some with books open next to their plates.I guess those are the students who have fallen behind in their studies.I follow Jeremy to the food lines and mull over the selection.To my withered stomach each morsel looks fantastic, but (not to my surprise though) my roommate makes faces at each dish.

"Man, they must think we're livestock feeding us this stuff."He comments putting some turkey on a plate.I, on the other hand, am rapidly filling my plate with everything."Careful Zechs, you never know what's in this stuff.There might be some rat poison or something in there as a secret ingredient.It'd probably kill ya."

"It didn't kill me last time." The comment slips out before I had the chance to think about it.What would a well-bred boy think about his roommate eating something so…unsanitary?I watch as his face screws inward as he thinks.Suddenly his eyes become alight as realization dawns on him.

"Man, you almost had me there.You really need to work on changing the pitch of your voice when you joke, I almost took you seriously!"He resumes his finicky food choosing as I let out a sigh of relief.Crisis…narrowly averted.

My food is already cold by the time we take a seat at one of the nearby tables, mainly because Jeremy took ten minutes picking out the perfect apple, then decided that he didn't want one in the first place.

I try to eat my food as slowly as I can allow myself without looking like a half starved animal.I fail miserably.After living so long with people who will steal your food if you don't eat fast enough, the old habit will die hard.

"Damn Zechs, slow down.You know that you can actually make your stomach explode doing that?"

"Oh really, where did you hear that?" I ask sarcastically, mad at having to take a time out from my ravenous eating.

"I'll show you."He pulls something from his pocket about the size of a credit card except three times as thick.It takes me a moment to realize that it's a computer.Not just any computer though, it is unlike anything I've ever seen before.I must have been wearing a startled expression all over my face because Jeremy decided to clarify everything after he got his laughs in."It's state of the art.My dad ordered it right before he died, but it didn't come in till a couple of weeks ago.Couldn't imagine what this sucker would have cost though."

I peer over his shoulder at the miniscule machine, amazed more by the fact that it works then what it's actually doing.He works rapidly pulling up files.It takes hem a few minutes before he finds what he's looking for then jams the computer into my face, wearing a smug expression amongst the freckles.

As I read the information, I couldn't decide how I feel about it.It's a mixture of anger and the incredible urge to make him realize how dumb he actually is."You actually believe something that is titled 'The Madhatter's Tipsy Topsy Turvey Now You Know Everything Book'?"

"You don't have to say it that way." He states retrieving the computer from me and holding it protectively against his chest."You're one heartless prick, you know!"

"I didn't mean to make you upset, I…"

His face turns bright red from attempting to hold back his laughter."Man, you really need to loosen up" he sputters out loosing his battle for composure.

"Don't you boys think that you should quiet down a bit?" a man says approaching where we are sitting.The man seems so familiar.Where have a seen him before?

It hits me like a ton of bricks.He was the one outside the bookstore this afternoon, the one I thought looked really familiar.I quickly divert my face to the floor, keeping my head down as low as I can to keep the man from recognizing me.It has been six years, but I can recognize him as easily as if it was only six days ago.Senator Kirkwood.I had only seen him a few times around the palace, but there was no mistaking him.The large S shaped scar over his right eyebrow is a dead give away.

"Sorry sir.We just got a little over enthusiastic.We will keep it down from now on." Jeremy mocks some semblance of dignity in his voice.

"Just see that you do."He retorts before turning and walking away.

"Man, what's his beef?"

"Who is he?"

"Oh, Ol' Kirkwood?I guess he's been here for a while.Said he was some bigwig in some country that was taken over.After that, he ran away and ended up here.He works as a political science teacher, but he's not very good at it.Why?"

I don't know what to tell him.What can I say, that if he recognizes me…I don't even know what would happen.Would I get kicked out of the school?Most likely I would get shipped off to some distant relation and spend my life brooding about what could have been had I not been discovered."Nothing really."

"You know, I don't buy that for a second."

"Can we just not talk about it?"

"Not a chance in hell."

"Can we at least not talk about it here?"

"That I can do, but you are NOT going very long without telling me…especially when it has to do with old man Kirkwood." 

We finish up our dinner with hardly a word between us.Jeremy just picks at his food and pushes everything around with his fork.I finish every bite off my plate and feel the wonderful contentment that a full stomach brings.We clear our places and head back to our room.

The posters once again cause me to blush upon entering our domain.I immediately lay down on my bed and attempt to engross myself in one of Jeremy's many magazines.Seeing as the magazine is more full of scantly clad women than our walls, I quickly abandon this plan and try to find something else to occupy myself with before the boy could start asking me questions again.

Once again, I am headed off at the pass.I reach for a book on his desk and in doing so he grabs my arm and pushes me back onto my bed.He quickly pulls up his desk chair and sits in it backwards.

"Spill it."

"There's nothing to spill Jeremy."

"Give me a break Zechs, there is no way that you're gonna get out of this without telling me what the hell has got you so down.Shit, you're walking around here looking like one depressed son of a bitch and there is no way that I'm gonna let you continue it. So why don't you stop pulling the macho shit and just spill it already."

"First of all you know that I don't want to talk about it.Secondly there is no reason that you should pry into my life so why can't you just drop it?"

"Because that, my friend, is not something I can do.I'm just too damn nosey."He waits for a reply from me, but I can't give him one.I end up just hanging my head and watching my fingers intertwine with one another."Tell ya what.Whenever I'm feeling down in the dumps I always go to the mobile suit hanger.Sometimes I find Trieze there, he seems to be able to make me feel better.When he's not there it still makes me feel better.So now we go."

"Now?"

"I said now didn't I?"

"Well yeah."

"That means I mean now, dumbass."There is no way that I can respond to him, and there is no way that I could have prevented having myself being drug along to the mobile suit hanger.We repeat the same trek through the suits as we had earlier this morning.To Jeremy's surprise we don't find Trieze in the hanger as he predicted, but I feel a sense of tranquility wash over me once again.We sit down on one of the giant feet and relax against the cold metal.I sit with my legs pulled up with my arms crossed over them while Jeremy leans back with his hands placed behind his head.

"Feel better now?"

"Oddly, yes."

"Are you gonna tell me why you were so afraid of Ol' Kirkwood now?"

"I want my past to stay in the past.Kirkwood is someone from that time and I want him to disappear."

"That seems a bit harsh.But I hate to break it to you but Kirkwood isn't going anywhere.There's a rumor that he's being promoted to dean next year.There's no way that he's gonna quit now with that little pension under his nose."

I let out an audible sigh as I lean back against the metal.This is definitely not going according to plan.I know that I would never have guessed that this possibility would arise.It's a big planet and yet I had to choose the one academy where someone who might recognize me is."Jeremy, have you ever wished that you could be someone else?"

"Hell yeah!All the time, man.After living with my parents for ten years, I would have rather been out on the streets then their kid."

"I need to become someone else."

"Damn, is your past that bad?"

"If I say yes, will you stop questioning me about it?"

"I'll even go a step further.I'll help you trick good Ol' Kirkwood.Never did like that guy much anyways."

"I know Kirkwood from a long time ago.If he recognizes me, I'll probably get sent somewhere I don't want to be."

"Hey, there is no way I'm letting them take you away.It's been months since I've had a roommate and dammit, I like you so I wanna keep you."

"I need a way too keep him from recognizing me."

"I have an idea!" he scurries off before I can question his plan.I sit and wait for him as he clangs something about somewhere off in the darkened hanger."I think this will work."He hands me a hunk of metal in the shape of a head. "It's one of the old helmets that they used to wear back when they first started using mobile suits since they were so hard on the body.What do you think?"

"It would serve the purpose.But it is a bit hard on the eyes."

"Well yeah, but that's what shop is for.We could have this thing fixed up in a jiff and it'd look good too."~~

The mask that I wore for all those years was the product of Jeremy's quick thinking and his labor.He was the first person who ever helped me so much in my life.Soon after we made it into the shop classroom. I had become Zechs Merquise, and there was no turning back from that point.


	15. Who?

Part 15 Who

Part 15Who?

//I once heard the song of sirens fill the air one March afternoon.The sweet melody reaching its delicate fingers to enfold me.The blissful serenity warmly spread within that grasp."Hark" they call, "be one with me forever."To refuse is impossible for the undeniable allure is more then any soul can bear.//

It took five hours in the academy's shop classroom in order to create a mask.But now it's complete as I stare at the unrecognizable reflection that returns the gesture.The stark form dressed in the noble school uniform, ready to conquer the world.A new world being seen from a new perspective.

I nudge Jeremy as he returns to lying on his bed."We still got fifteen minutes before class starts which means I can get five more minutes of sleep."

"I doubt it's worth it."

"How would you know?Your freaky ass shot out of bed the moment the alarm went off.I've never seen someone so eager to start classes before.Not to mention staying up till midnight working on that damn mask of yours."

"You got five hours of sleep so stop complaining."

"Shows how much you know.I will never stop complaining." He says while sitting up."Damn, I still had one minute left."

"Are you always this cheerful in the morning?"

"Get used to it.This is one of my good days."

We gather up our books and head out towards the science wing.The sun has barely made its way past the horizon and the dew is still visible on every blade of grass.You can hear the birds chirping just beyond eyesight and the soft rustling of the branches in the wind.

I grip my books tighter with sudden anticipation upon the sight of the classroom.The desks in perfect order, students busying themselves, all part of a structure.Being as I had never been in a classroom before, I suddenly feel unending desperation set in.This structure is not one that I can comprehend.No inviting desks meet my eyes, only lined up soldiers waiting to make a move against me.

"Earth to Zechs, come in Zechs."Jeremy playfully waves a hand before my eyes.

"Oh, gomen."

"If zombie boy could take a couple of steps we could sit down."With his prompting we take a seat close to the windows where the sunlight is starting to fall through.I know that Jeremy can sense my uneasiness, but he's playing it off as nothing, a fluke.At least I think he is."You know Zechs, if I didn't know any better I would think you're completely lost.Well, either that or you have a couple of screws loose."

"Maybe if you weren't playing with the screwdriver…"

The genuine laugh that escapes him from him startles me at first."See, that was a good one.If you keep that up you might just be able to be like me."

"No offense, but I'd rather not be just like you."

"And why not?"

"Because one is enough.Plus, I look better."

"Oh really metal head."

"Yeah really."

"Would you boys mature past the age of five please?" a young girl with long blond hair states while putting on her most formidable appearance.

Jeremy leans over to me."Missy, the girl thinks she's the greatest thing to walk around on two legs."He whispers."But I've heard that the reason she's here is cuz she forgot to knock and walked right in on her parents going at it.They kicked her butt all the way here for that."

"Tough break."I don't mean the sentiment of course, for a girl who thinks she's better then everyone else, the best place she could be is here.

"And over there," he points across the room, "Is Manna and…wait, I don't know her.Guess she's another new student."

I look at the rather small girl sitting next to Manna.Like me, she appears out of place.Her dark hair and even darker eyes remind me of a prey animal that could be found hiding within the darkness of the night.Although the glint in those black orbs show that she's nothing like prey, she is determined but still afraid.

"Yo Manna, would you mind introducing us?"I can only assume that Manna and Jeremy haven't had the best relationship since she rolls her eyes and pretends not to hear him.I watch him get out of his seat and saunter over to where the two girls are.He motions for me to follow, which I semi-reluctantly do."You know Manna, you'll never get a guy to notice you if you keep on ignoring them."

"I wasn't ignoring them, I was ignoring you."She replies hastily.

"Ouch, that hurts…it really does."

"I'm so glad."

"So would you cut the crap and introduce us to your new friend?"

"This is my new roommate Lucrezia.Lucrezia, this is Jeremy and…"

"Zechs."I state trying to keep myself from staring into those deep black eyes that seem to be swallowing me whole.They seem to hold me in a trance, not letting a single part of my body move.That is until Jeremy smacks me on the back of the head.I watch her hide a giggle behind her hand as I follow Jeremy back to our seats.

"Jeez Zechs, one day and you've already got a girl fawning over you."

"What do you mean?"

"Like you didn't know.And what was with you staring a hole into her head?You do know you're suppose to aim a bit lower."

"Huh?"

"What?Are you going to claim you're not a guy now?Or must I teach you everything?"

It is then that the teacher decides to make his presence.And an amazing presence it is.His hair is perfectly placed, sleeked back to show a notable forehead, a crisp uniform, and a demanding gait.I am excited by his every word.Every idea he recites is completely transcribed into my notebook.The majority of my attention remains on him for the entire two hours of biology lecture, but a small part of my consciousness travels back to the set of dark eyes only a few feet away from me.

Once the lecture on metals and alloys is over, I quickly pack up my bag and follow Jeremy to our next class.The entire process gets repeated, except she's not there.I control my disappointment during the second lecture.Next is a trip to the cafeteria.Jeremy complains about the food during the walk to the caf, but still loads up his plate.Unlike yesterday, the caf is overflowing with students.Each group is engaged in jovial banter. 

Except one.

She sits alone.I can only assume that Manna has found some other company for the meal.I take the seat across from her as Jeremy plops down in the chair next to her."So Lucrezia was it?"

"Yes."

"Where ya from?How'd ya end up here?"

"I'd rather not say."

"Not another one.You can have her Zechs, you two are two of a kind."

"I'd rather you not talk about me as though I am a piece of meat also."

"Touchy.I'll just let you two little love birds have a nice conversation then."He states grabbing his tray and heading off.

We sit in silence.I watch as she stabs the food with a fork, not eating a bite.Every so often she will glance up for a fraction of a second.I find myself pretending not to notice as I avert my gaze."Lucrezia, I was wondering if I could ask you something."

"What would that be?"Her voice has taken on a soothing tone, much different then the one she used on Jeremy.

"I know that you don't want to talk about your past," she tenses as I speak, "I completely understand that.So is it possible to form a friendship without either knowing about the other?"

She takes a moment to ponder the question."No, it is not possible.The stable bond that is a friendship is based on the fact that both parties know about the worst times, only they don't use it against one another."

"I thought so."


	16. Tell Me About You

Part 16 Tell Me About You

Part 16Tell Me About You

//I once heard an old beggar man calling out for some change.Dirty and cold he sat there all afternoon looking for handouts from any well-to-do person passing by.Pathetically professing all his grievous woes to anyone within hearing distance.The cries of help still haunt the streets.Later that evening I watched that old man make the trek back home.Even though he sat on that corner all day, it did nothing to improve his life.//

During my last hour of classes, the conversation between Lucrezia and I, replays through my mind in a never-ending loop.She is like me, running away from something.I may never know what it is, but at least I know that I'm not alone in this miserable world.

When at last the lecture is done I throw my books in my bag and take off with a wave to Jeremy.By the time I reach the mobile suit hanger I am out of breath, but I soon regain it as I look above to the scaffolding creating an intricate maze around the suits.

I maneuver around the hanger, intently listening for any evidence that will help me find Trieze.The sound of a tool being placed on a cart leads me straight to him.He is alert to my presence before I get within twenty feet of him.

"You can put your stuff down over there and then you can help me with this."He says without diverting his attention from the task he's performing.I comply without a word and take up my position by his side."I am just adjusting a piloting program. I believe that it will put the pilots strengths to the forefront, but I don't know if it will work.""He finishes the computer work and finally turns to me."The mask seems to suit you well.Mind if I ask you why you acquired it?"

"I do mind."

"What you don't know is that I already know what you are thinking."He circles me as he remarks, I find myself unable to move under his piercing glare.Only able to stand ridged and stare straight ahead, I listen."You didn't like who you were before.Each time you looked in the mirror the face you saw staring back at you repulsed you.Denying who you are is the only way you can get the vile feeling out of your throat.Therefore you hid who you were and now you hide your face.The question is, who is the real Zechs Merquise?Is it some child playing a make believe game?One who still believes that he can change the world?Or is it a person who has been hardened by life, struggling to change only himself…to deny his own destiny?"

I wait.

"You don't know you're place in life, therefore you keep to yourself.You have always hid your true side hoping that one day you'd be able to capture that long awaited goal of becoming someone who is not you.But if you are not you, then you are this made up you?A person who you are not.Now Zechs is this person that you want to become.Real or made up he is your ultimate goal.I don't doubt that you will do everything in your power to become him.But first, you must know who he is to be.Tell me, who is Zechs Merquise?"

"Zechs Merquise is a soldier, perfect in every aspect.He fights for what he believes in without a thought as to himself.He is not an individual, within the network of life he is a cog in the well-oiled machine that keeps the changing world running smoothly."

"You need more then that, a skeleton does not make the man.The muscles and flesh add to the skeleton, but they still aren't enough.The thoughts of a man…that is what makes them.If you want to become Zechs Merquise, you have to first decide who he is and how he will live.Only then can he truly exist.You're lesson for the day is over.Think about what I said and return at the same time tomorrow with some answers."

"Yes."I leave feeling dejected.I had never expected that my first lesson with Trieze would turn out so poorly.But it was true.I had wanted to become Zechs badly much that I hadn't even taken the time to think about who Zechs really is.I know exactly who Milliardo was.I shake the thought from my head as quickly as it had come crashing into my brain in the first place.That boy died a long time ago.He is nothing more then a lost soul.

I am so completely lost in my reverie that I don't even notice the person who has come up to walk along side me.Startled by the presence, I stop and stare into those deep black eyes."I didn't even notice you coming up."

"I wasn't trying to be noticed.You looked so deep in thought that I couldn't bring myself to actually bothering you."

"You have my attention now.Is there something that you wanted?"

"I was thinking about what you asked me earlier.I was wondering if we could try and see if it is possible to form a friendship without knowing everything about the other person.I'm content in the fact that you don't want to talk about what happened to you.If you can live with the same from me then we can see what might happen."

"Did you follow me earlier to say this?"

"No!"She clearly looks upset, as though I had accused her of some horrible crime."I was just walking by and you happened to walk out of the hanger so I just figured that now would be as good a time as any."

"I didn't mean for you to get so defensive.But I do agree with you, and if it doesn't work, then maybe we should forget about the whole thing."I once again find myself staring into those bottomless pools.They show me more then I can comprehend, more emotion then my darken mind could distinguish.So plain to see, yet so unreadable."Lucrezia…"

"Call me Lu, I much prefer it."

"Lu, I…"

"Yo!Zechs!"Jeremy couldn't have picked a more perfect moment to make an entrance then right then.I grind my teeth together in frustration.I would have been angrier with him, except for that lopsided grin he is giving me."Did you miss me?"

"I will see you everyday for the rest of the school year."

"Well that isn't comforting, having to wake up to look at your metal head isn't exactly going to make my year."

"Excuse my Lu, I have a roommate to attend to."I state through clenched teeth.She nods to me as I take off chasing Jeremy around campus.I finally catch up to him near the dorms and I quickly tackle him to the ground and pull his arm up behind his back.

"Uncle, uncle!I give up already, would ya let go?"I let go of his arm and watch him as he sits up rubbing his wrist."Damn, you don't look that strong.But Trieze would say that unhidden strength is a necessity in a soldier.How'd that lesson go by the way?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"There you go again!I can't believe you sometimes.I mean seriously, all you do is go around getting all this good info just runnin around inside your head and you can't even share it with me.If you're ever going to have any friends around here you're going to have to open up that head of yours a bit more often.It's actually kinda scary not knowing what you're thinking."

"Wouldn't that make me a better soldier?"

"Well, yeah.But it makes you one tight assed roommate."


	17. Who Am I?

Part 17 Who Am I

Part 17Who Am I?

//The poetic mind can bring sonnets into the world, meaning out of nothingness, and hope out of pain.The handsome amount they give to society is shown so earnestly in their meager wages.Used then forgotten, brought up only when appropriate or convenient.Yet they press on, discovering themselves and the world.Then capturing it in a song that only they can truly understand.Keep seeking painters of words.//

I had spent the previous evening milling over the questions that Trieze had given me.It gave me something to think about while I was mindlessly reading my textbooks.

I sit and look out on the campus as the first rays of light reach over the horizon.I feel renewed now that I know what I'm working for.Like a new day has started in my life, one that brings infinite possibilities and adventures.

I cross the room and smack Jeremy with my pillow.

"Dammit Zechs, that is totally not a nice way to wake me up."

"You've already been up for half an hour, you couldn't have possibly fallen back asleep in that short amount of time."

"Shows how much you know!I was snoozen man, and what do you have to do?You maul a brother with a sack filled with whatever the hell these people think feels like feathers.It's just cruel!"

"I'd say that I'm sorry I bothered you, but if you don't get your lazy butt out of bed we're going to be late for class.And on the second day I'm pretty sure that would make a lousy impression."

"At least a lousy one for you.I've got these teachers wrapped around my little finger.I say jump and they ask how high."

"I doubt that very seriously."

"Oh ye of little faith."

"Can we go already?"

"Fine, fine."

The walk to class was as uneventful as it was yesterday.The only highlight came when I saw Lucrezia walking into the classroom right before us.She is alone, but I'm unsure why.We take our seats right before a teacher with a mean demeanor, a high forehead, and small round glasses perched precariously on his sloped nose walks in toting an arm load of books.The rest of the day ticks by slowly as I wait patiently to reveal my revelations.

At lunch I find a seat across from Lu and we sit in silence.We would have continued our conversation without words, but Jeremy takes the seat next to me."Say Zechs, have you heard the good news?"

"What good news?" I question although I fear the reply that Jeremy might give me in an attempt to be funny.

"I got chosen for the Suit Ditch Off."

"I hate to ask but what is that?"

"It's a mobile suit testing.They only choose the best pilots from each class to participate."He's almost beaming as he relays the information.

"I heard your brother has beaten everyone in his class for four years in a row."Adds Lu as she thoughtfully stabs at a piece of broccoli. 

"Well yeah, but I'm going to win five in a row before I graduate!"

"So you're planning on graduating at the age of 25?"He looks at me coyly for my remark.

"Very funny, Zechs.Remind me to flip your switch back to mindless drone tonight."I watch as he makes a face at his chicken a la caf and proceeds to pout. "You know you could at least take an interest in what I'm doing."

"I just assumed that you were going to tell us.It's what you normally do."

"Am I that predictable?"His pout takes on new dimensions as Lu and I both nod."Well you don't have to be so blunt about it.Anyways, since neither of you have any idea what the Ditch Off is I'll just have to enlighten you.It's the least I can do since I _am_ the one who's been here longest."

"It's a test to see which students have progressed the furthest in mobile suit piloting in each grade level through a series of small trials in maneuvering, combat, and critical thinking."Jeremy's jaw hits the table at the normally silent girl across the table.She only shrugs before adding, "I read it in the school manual." 

"Guess I'm not needed.I'll just go and cry myself to sleep tonight while hugging Zechs' teddy bear."

My cheeks have no choice but to turn beet red."I do _not_ have a teddy bear!"

"Just like you don't kiss it right before you fall asleep and call it Mr. Snugglepants."

"Lu, it's not true.I've never had a teddy bear in my life."

"Oh really, you don't have to be so embarrassed about it.Plenty of children sleep with stuffed animals."

"I am _not_ a child and I do _not_ sleep with stuffed animals."All I can hear is the pounding of my heart.Jeremy just stares me in the eye waiting for my anger to begin anew.The tense minutes pass us by, each gleaming into the other's eyes."Guess I was wrong.You are a man among men.Anyways ladies, I'm going to take off now.I'll see ya later."In the blink of an eye he is gone.

I hear a stifled giggle and turn to its owner.Lu puts her hand to her mouth and diverts her eyes to the ceiling, finding the patterns in the water stains to be enthralling no doubt."What is so funny?"

"Mr. Snugglepants."

"That's not even funny."

"Oh lighten up.It's not like it's going to get around the school."

"Doesn't matter, it's not true in the first place."

"Ok, I don't believe that you sleep with a teddy bear.Feel better now?"

"No."

"Tough to please aren't we?"She waits for some kind of reply, which I don't give her."We better get back to class."I comply with her statement but walk to my next class alone.It is better that way.

The last hours of class tick by at a monotonous pace, but at last I find myself free of the boring drudgery.I race off to the mobile suit hanger; it is time that I make my radical announcement.I find Trieze in the same location as the previous day without having to rely on my senses.He is mulling over some schematics of some sort, I can only assume they're for a mobile suit.He turns to face me as I approach this afternoon.

"So Zechs, have you put any thought into what I said yesterday?" He questions me with a slight smile.

"Hai."

I watch as Trieze leans his lithe frame up against the table the papers are sprawled out on.He waves his hand for me to continue.

"It is impossible to know what your future will hold.The only way for you to survive is to live your life according to your philosophies.The philosophy of the warrior is my calling.I will fight without a second thought to who I am as long as those philosophies stay intact.

"I am Zechs, there is no distinguishing factors between myself and him.Every single thought and action that I do is being performed by him.As my mind and body changes so does his.He feels my pain, my pleasure.

"The past me is gone, dead to the world.All the memories, thoughts, and aspirations that composed him died long ago.The only way I can live my life is to move on, weaving the man who is Zechs Merquise.In that way, I will finally live."

"Get suited up."


	18. Behind The Wheel

Part 18 Behind the Wheel

Part 18Behind the Wheel

//The eloquent dance of life.The pulsing beat, the beautiful melody, the stark contrast.It always moves forward, only learning from past moves.The dance flows on.The rhythm, the motion, that choreography.The intricate movements that captivates all who watch transfixed by what they are seeing.//

We have been working for hours.I would have never guessed how much work goes into piloting a mobile suit.The number of displays alone could blow a person's mind.Treize has told me about all the components and I have already stored away all the information.He explained each possible scenario diligently, sparing no detail.

"Do you think you can handle it Zechs?'

"Yes."

"Then give it a try.I'll be on the comm. if you run into any trouble."

I nod as he walks off the platform.He is already entrusting me to a solo flight.Where is the logic in this action?No simulation, no testing, not eve a trial run.What if I crash this machine?I've never even driven a car before. Now I sit mocking a pilot.

The screen on my right buzzes to life.Treize's face looks at me impassively."Is there something wrong?"

"No, nothing is wrong."

"Then run your preflight checks."

Obeying his order I run through the standard system tests that I had been taught no more then an hour before.Treize watches what he can from the cockpit camera.

"Checks are clear."

"Power up and exit the dock."

"Hai." This is the moment of truth.Finally, my chance to prove that I am more then the gum on the sole of the proverbial shoe of life.

The beast roars to life around me, the rumble of the engines plague my ears and the vibrations caused rattles my teeth.I have never felt this much power before, especially at my fingertips."Releasing restraints and exiting bay."My fingers dance quickly over the panel, hitting the face plate in perfect rhythm.It is so natural, almost like I have been doing it most of my life.The machine takes a slow step forward.'This isn't so tough'.The next one comes swifter.Nine paces later the building is building is behind me.

"Keep it simple Zechs.And wipe that grin off your face."

Grin?I realize that sometime between when I was at the dock and now that a feral grin had crept up to distort my features.I quickly revert to my normal impassiveness.

I make the movements as graceful as possible although I'm not sure how well I succeed.The movements of the machine become less jerky as I progress.It feels almost like the giant shell around me has become a part of me.

It doesn't take long before I feel like my energy has been drained from my body.I return the suit to its dock and lower myself to the ground.

A freckled face surprises me."Jeremy?What are you doing here?"

"Treize told me that you were gonna pilot so I thought that I'd come to see how you'd do."

"How did I do?"

"Considering it was your first time you did well.You just need to make it look more like walking and like falling less."

"Thanks for the advice…"

"No problem buddy, but in all seriousness you did look good out there.In a way you could say that I'm jealous.It took me at least ten times out before I looked that good.Plus I think I saw someone watching you from afar."

"Who?"

"You might be able to catch her if you hurry.Don't worry, I'll tell Treize what happened.You know, she isn't that bad looking.She could probably be November if she wanted to be."

"I doubt that she'd be interested in being in one of your calendars."

"Her loss."Jeremy points me in the right direction and I take off hoping to catch a glimpse of the piercing black eyes that I can't get out of my head.

Before long I find a solemn face reading a piloting text, her features dulled by the shadows cast by the tree she sits under.

"Hi, Lu."

She carefully marks her place before looking in my direction."I saw you pilot."She stands up and brushes the traces of dirt off her uniform."It was your first time?"

"You could tell?"

"Not exactly.Jeremy came to my room and drug me out here to watch."

"Oh."

"I didn't mean for it to sound that way.If he didn't tell me I wouldn't have been able to watch your first flight."

"Guess you owe him one, huh?"

"Yeah, I just hope he doesn't expect to see something I don't want to show."

"He better not or I'll…"

"Getting a little protective?"

"Well no, it's just that…"

"Yeah I know, I'm a delicate flower that needs a big strong man to take care of me.I've heard it all before.Spare me your pity, I can take care of myself.If you want someone to protect go hunt down Missy or something." She states crossing her arms over her chest and flopping ungracefully to the ground.

The silence that ensues feels like a huge gulf, sucking me in and plunging me into eternal darkness.How I ended up on the loosing end of this conversation is beyond my comprehension.

Her willowy arms hug her knees to her chest."You're still here."

"Of course I am."I reply taking a seat facing her while she does her best to avoid eye contact."It's nice not to have to worry about someone all the time."

"Yeah."

"Can I ask you something?"

"I guess."

"Why did you come here?"

"To watch you pilot."

"I mean to the academy.What made you decide to come here."

"Oh."She hugs her legs tighter.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.It's none of my business."

"No, it's ok.Do you know what it's like to have someone who's sole purpose in their life is to protect you?"

"No."

"It's the worst feeling in the world.I felt like I couldn't do anything by myself without someone else there making the decision.I just couldn't stand living like that anymore.I left my family and came here.I want to prove to myself that I'm more then what they let me think I was."

"You are more then that.It's just that I, well…" she watches me with expectant eyes."Let's just say that if Jeremy did anything to you I'd have to kill him."

"Oh, so why did you come here?"

"To hide from my past."

"What could have been so bad that you have to hide from it?"

I look into that understanding face.It wasn't long before I told her.


	19. Ditch Off

Part 19 Ditch Off

**Part 19Ditch Off**

//Love me.

Hold me.

Touch me.

Hope for me.

Kill for me.

Be there for me.

Relax with me.

Write for me.

Live for me.//

A month has passed since that afternoon that I first piloted.A lot has happened in that short amount of time.My studies are going well and I am now top of my class.I find the classes to be fairly challenging, but easy at the same time.

My relationship with Lu is an entirely different story now.She and I are almost as close as Jeremy and myself.I had been afraid to speak of my past due to all the haunting memories of that frightening day.I tried to forget it because it was too painful.When I told her, I half expected her to become disgusted with me and leave.Actually, a part of me wishes that she had.Instead she placed an arm around my shoulders, leaned into me, and just held me.It should have felt odd, I have never been held like that before.But, it was soothing to just sit there and let someone else do the supporting.That was until Jeremy showed up.He dragged me home and gave me an earful.Lu is the only one who I have told about my past and for some reason I don't regret it at all.I thought that telling someone about what I had run away from would make them think less of me, instead it has brought us together more.

My lessons with Treize have allowed me not only to catch up to the piloting capabilities of the rest of my classmates, but also to surpass 90% of them.I know that both brothers pride themselves on their piloting abilities, but Treize also prides himself on his abilities to motivate people to their full potential.

Jeremy is talking about his piloting prowess even more then usual.But I guess that is to be expected since he only has a night's sleep before the big event.I catch him in a daze."Jeremy, what are you thinking about?"

"You in a Speedo.I'm thinking about the ditch off of course.Jeez, what are you, some kind of idiot?"

"Are you scared?"

"Not scared, just a bit nervous I guess.But I know that I'm an awesome pilot so there's nothing to be worried about, ne?"

"Yeah, you've piloted many times before.You should do fine."

"Yup, hasn't been a mobile suit made that can make me scared.I'll go in there tomorrow and show them all what I am made of."He starts rummaging through the closet looking for something.He only spends a minute in his search before he gets bored and sits down on his bed."So, are you and Lu gonna cheer me on tomorrow?" he asks with a slight amount of apprehension in his voice.

"Of course we'll be there.Just don't do anything stupid out there.I'd hate to have to tell people that I don't know you."

"Jee, thanks.So glad to know that you're a friend till the end."

"Don't mention it, but you really should get some sleep."

"I know, but I'm just not in the mood to sleep. I don't think that anything could put me into unconsciousness right now."

"I'm sure a well aimed jab would do the trick."

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

I climb under my covers and turn off the light leaving Jeremy still sitting on his bed fully clothed."At least try."I hear the tell tale flop of Jeremy falling backwards onto the bed.

"Ok, so maybe I'm a little scared.But I don't think that anyone would blame me.I have to go out there and not only do my best, but do it in front of a ton of people.If that isn't scary, I don't know what is."

"Do you think that people expect you to be a certain way? At a certain piloting skill, I mean."

"I'm sure they do and that's what scares me the most about it.I'm a Kushrenada…the baby brother of Treize.He's too perfect.It's hard walking in footsteps like those, but I have to try everyday of my life.

"There's nothing that I have been able to do better then him.He gets the good grades, the best piloting skills, not to mention his ability to lead.Where does that leave me?The poor pathetic Jeremy who can't even live up to the family standards.I'll show them tomorrow when I finally do something better then Treize could.

"Now, don't you dare say a word. I need my beauty sleep."

How am I to fight with that?Considering that Jeremy is an even worse morning person when he doesn't get enough sleep, I feel my only option is to not press the subject any further.Plus if he's able to rest, it will only help him do better in the competition tomorrow.As for myself, I fall into blissful slumber.

The rising of the sun does not bring with it the fresh renewed feeling that it should.Jeremy's form is tangled in the sheets from a night's worth of tortured dreams.The only reason that he is doing this challenge is to try and beat his brother at something.Maybe this is a struggle that he has to undertake, but I wouldn't know.I can't even remember what it was like to have a sibling, her smiling face as she ran into my mother's arms.No, I must stop.I haven't thought about them in so long.Now the only person that I have to prove myself to is me.

I pull myself from the warm sanctuary of my bed and pad my way over to Jeremy.I can tell from his face that his sleep is less then blissful.At least that make me feel a little bit better about what I am going to do.I cough slightly to ready my voice like those old men that host those late night talk shows with political leaders.He is going to kill me."GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED SOLDIER!WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, PEACETIME?!WE'RE FIGHTING A WAR HERE!"I can't hold back my laughter as Jeremy snaps to a disoriented attention.His sleep filled eyes most likely are not even capable of focusing on me.

"I'm gonna kill you."He states trying to hide his anger behind clenched teeth.

"It was time you got out of bed anyways.You have to report in an hour."

"Dammit, I still could have slept…"

"I know, another twenty minutes.But, I figured that getting up early for a change might do you some good."

"Yes mother."

"Don't take that tone with me young man!"

"Hey, I'm older then you!" he exclaims grabbing me around the neck and messing up my now mid shoulder length hair.He likes to tease me about how long it is, usually by putting as many knots as he can in it."I'm gonna head to the showers.I wanna look my best when I win today."He finally lets me go then grabs his towel and runs out the door.

I pass the time by reading my physics text.Not the most interesting material to read on a Saturday morning, but Treize mentioned how important physics is in combat while under the influence of gravity.So I decided to spend extra time in studying it.Jeremy returns from the shower, throws his towel in my face (which was still buried in the textbook), dressed, and left for his call time.

I check my watch to find it is a quarter to ten.Lu should definitely be up by now.I throw on one of Jeremy's light jackets and head out of our dorm.The air is still cool out and the morning dew has almost completely disappeared.It's only around this late in the morning due to the trees surrounding each walkway.

When I arrive at the women's dorm, climb the three flights of stairs, and walk halfway down the corridor.I knock lightly on the door since Lu has often complained about how her roommate Manna likes to sleep in late on the weekends.A bright face opens the door, smiling…no.She seems to never smile, like me.I can't say never because I have caught her in a smile once or twice.But those times are more recent then not."Ohayo Lu."

"Morning Zechs.Jeremy already leave?"

"Hai, he had to report in at 09:30."

"Must have been a feat to get him up."She enters the hallway and closes the door behind her so that we don't disturb Manna, who has already started grumbling in her sleep."Want to go for a walk?"

Back outside we both start in the direction of the hanger.It is an unspoken understanding that we share.I can't tell you how or why we know to head there, but it feels like the right place to go.As for her, I cannot say and she doesn't tell me.The cool breeze picks up and I see Lu shiver, she neglected to grab a jacket before we left."Here," I say shrugging off my jacket and handing it to her.She looks at the offering dumbfounded for a moment before taking it.

"Thanks."We walk a few feet more."Zechs?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do we always go to the hanger?"

"I don't know.I guess I just feel at peace when I'm there."

She stays silent for a moment."I sometimes think that I can hear the souls of those who died at the hands of those machines.I know it's preposterous, but I don't think that they are at peace."

"Then why do you go?"

"I'm not sure, but maybe it is to tell them that I'll fight for them.Although I'm not sure if that's the reason at all."

We enter the nearly empty hanger and head over to one of the last remaining suits. "Looks like they've already moved everything out for the ditch off."

She nods in affirmation as she sits down, leaning her back on the cold metal foot.I take a place next to her and lean my head back.

"I hope that Jeremy does well today.He's been going on about this competition for the last week nonstop.I was ready to smack him some days.Although, I must say that his talking about the competition is much better then his complaining about the food."

"I like the food."

"Same here, but Jeremy is different.He has much higher standards then I do."

"How much time do we have left?"

"We should probably leave in ten minutes so we can get seats with a good view."

I lift my head up and look at that placid face.I find it next to impossible to read anything that she might be thinking.Although she might say the same thing about me, it is hard to read metal.

"Has it been ten minutes yet?"

Her question startles me.It only feels like a few seconds have passed since I mentioned it.I check my watch just to humor her only to find that seven minutes have past.Had I been staring at her for that long?If I had, she made no indication of it. "Almost."

She clambers to her feet, "Wouldn't hurt to start over there now."She grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet.

During the walk to the arena, the only thing I can think about are those missing seven minutes of my life.

Upon entering the seating, we find a fair amount of people claiming the best spots.I grab Lu's hand and run up the steps.We take our seats and I check my watch again.It is odd that I'm looking at that dial so often.Maybe it is just excitement, or could it be anticipation?I shrug it off and make small talk with Lu until the competition begins.We comment about the setup of the obstacles and what possible surprises the creators could throw at the pilots.

The opening ceremony starts with a display of the suits, each numbered for the convenience of the judges and audience.Jeremy is number 8.Each suit takes it's turn though the course.When Jeremy's turn comes up I watch attentively so I can give him suggestions on how to improve later tonight.

After all the suits make it through the course, the next test is combat.The only rules for this section of the competition are to not seriously damage your opponent or to fire any missiles.The school doesn't want to have to do heavy repairs on all the suits after a friendly competition.The fight ends once one of the competitors makes a lethal move (not completing said move, of course).

I watch each duel intently, picking up tactics that might serve me sometime in the future.Each battle builds from the start to the final climax.If it was actual battle, that would be one more death to add onto the list of those who perished fighting for what they believe in.I keep my anticipation in check until it is Jeremy's turn.

When he enters the ring I can see that his suit is slightly damaged.It is just like Jeremy to do his worst during the easy stuff.His opponent is a boy from the year ahead of us.At least he'll give Jeremy a challenge.Both suits pull out their beam sabers and ready their fighting stances.The countdown that is heard by the pilots also echoes over the loud speakers for the audience.Zero is reached and Jeremy moves in for the first offensive move.He brings his saber downwards from the right, but the other suit blocks the swing and forces Jeremy back.He tries again for offense, but is once again driven back.The other suit moves in with repeated swings.I can tell that Jeremy is having a hard time countering each attack.It is most likely for the damage done to his suit.As if sensing a possible loss, Jeremy fires his rockets and flips behind his opponent.The enemy suit turns fast leading with its saber, but Jeremy is ready for it and easily sends the suit flying backwards.

That's when it happens.

My life changed completely during that moment.The discharged missiles seem to move at a sickeningly slow pace straight at Jeremy's suit.He sees them coming and tries to turn his suit away.He should be moving faster then that.The missiles are going so slow, why can't he move faster?!?The blast as the two missiles hit their mark is deafening.I hear the screams of the crowd, the feel of Lu burying her head into my shoulder.I can only gape at what has happened.I suddenl feel as if I'm a million miles from reality.

Jeremy's suit falls backwards creating a reverberating shockwave that can be felt through the stadium seats.Medical crews move in fast.They won't make it in time to do anything.Even if they could have opened the hatch immediately, he would have probably still been beyond saving.The missiles had hit their mark with deadly accuracy…

The cockpit.


	20. Wrong

Part 20 Wrong

Part 20Wrong

//Angel, you once heard my call.I didn't ask for much.A single life, just one.But my angel did, you not hear my cry?Retribution!Where is the purpose?What about the almighty plan?I don't see how saving that one life could upset that divine prophecy.Why angel?Give me the answer I seek!For you did not answer my only request!//

I don't remember how I made it back to my room.I'm not alone.I turn to see Lu lying on the bed next to me.Her eyes are puffy from crying, but her breath is even indicating that she has fallen asleep.I had hoped that when I woke up that I would realize that it was only a dream.I would sit up in bed and look over and there he would be.But he's not.The nightmare is real.

I sit up in the bed trying not to disturb Lu, she seems to need the rest.Carefully, I shift myself off the bed and leave the room.My body runs on autopilot.I couldn't have changed my course even if I had been aware of what I was doing.Feeling as though I only moved a couple of steps, I enter my sanctuary, the only place where I find comfort.I climb up to the catwalk and walk over to the first mobile suit I had ever piloted.Opening the hatch I crawl into the belly of the machine.I sit in the pilot's seat and grip the arm rests.I can't stop the tears that come.The grief that I have been feeling overcomes all my senses to the extent that I don't notice the presence that enters the small cockpit and kneels in front of me.I can barely perceive the arms that encircle me, the head that rests under my chin.I can't even find the energy to return the gesture.

She picks her head off my chest and stares into my eyes.She does something that I would allow no one else to do. 

She removes my mask.

"Zechs, I can't even think of a word to say to comfort you.You are the best friend that I have ever had and now you are here hurting and there is nothing I can do to help.I have never felt more worthless in my life."She wipes a tear that falls down my face."You were the world to Jeremy and I know that he would have wanted you to move on.We both know that what happened shouldn't have happened.Those missiles should have never been fired."She slams her fist onto the console in frustration."I don't know what was going through his mind when he deployed them.He took something precious from you that can never be replaced."Her head drops back to my chest. "Unforgivable".

My strength finally builds enough to embrace Lu back.I wish to stay in this position for eternity.What will happen to me if I loose something else that I hold precious to the stream of time that plaques my life?


	21. Aftermath

Part 21 Aftermath

**Part 21Aftermath**

//Don't cry for me.I am another one of those lost souls.I wander around this desert of a universe without a purpose.The death, the destruction, all of the evils of this world.They don't matter anymore.All that ever really mattered is forever lost.//

The aftermath at the academy is hardly what I expected.On Sunday in the school chapel a memorial service was held.I hear the entire school went, but I didn't.Now it is Monday and the world seems to have moved on without me.Sitting in my desk and looking over at the empty one next to it, floods my mind with images that I wish I could bury.

I must have been daydreaming because suddenly Mrs. Torki is over me.She whispers that I should go to the guidance office.Her face stays ever solemn as she offers me a small smile and nods for me to leave.I gather my bag and exit the room, aware of all the faces watching me go. 

The halls are silent except for the echoes of my shoes.I reach the office and reluctantly push open the door.I am startled by the face looking back at me."Treize."I sputter, making my surprise completely known."What are you doing here?"I silently curse myself after asking something so obvious.

"Jeremy has been on my mind, as I am sure he is on yours. Each time I look around this campus, everything reminds me of him.He always talked about how great you were.How good you were at piloting, how you got the best grades in the class.He said he was jealous of you, but being his best friend he could never be upset at you about it.Whenever he talked about you, I found myself wondering what it would have been like if it was you who had been my brother instead of Jeremy.I'm ashamed to say that I thought you would make a better brother then he actually was.But I was wrong.Even though he didn't try hard enough, he always was there.I could depend on him even through the hardest of times.He would have made a dependable soldier.

"I'm afraid we won't be able to continue with our piloting lessons.Even though graduation is still three weeks away, I have fulfilled all my requirements.They are giving me my diploma and I am moving on.I hope that sometime in the future we could work together again.So long, Zechs Merquise."

I watch him walk out of the office, not knowing if I will ever see him again.

"Can I help you?"It's a woman in her twenties with one of those librarian hairstyles and glasses perched on her nose with a chain that keeps them around her neck."Oh, you must be Zechs."

"How did you know?"

"You are the only one in school who always wears a mask.News like that goes around school pretty fast.Oh, I'm so sorry.Let's go into my office."She places a reassuring hand on my back and leads me into an office roughly the size of a broom closet.She pulls out a chair allowing me to sit down.She holds out her hand, "I'm Miss Adanti, the crisis counselor here at the academy.I know this must be a very difficult time for you and I want you to know that you can tell me anything and come to me with any problem."She gives me one of those rehearsed smiles that I'm sure anyone who gets a degree in social work is taught as a general requirement."Is there anything that you would like to talk about now?"

"No ma'am."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes ma'am."

She looks disappointed but lets me leave anyways telling me to come back anytime I felt like talking.It's highly unlikely that that would ever happen.There was only one person that I could talk to, but she is in class.I exit the office and head back down the hallway.There is no way that I could head back to class right now.Instead I detour out of the building.It's not hard to figure out where I am heading.The silent beasts that reside in my second home welcome me.And one semi-silent girl.

"I didn't expect you to be here." I state as I take a seat next to Lu.

"I expected you to come earlier."

"I got sent to the guidance office."

"Miss Adanti?"

"Yes."

"She means well, but she doesn't know anything.I think she grew up on a colony or something like that."

"You said before that you hear people who have died when you come here.Can you hear him?"

She takes a moment to close her eyes and listen."No, I can't."

"Do you know what that means?"

"I'm not sure.It could just be me blocking him out, or maybe he has found peace.I can't be entirely sure."~~


	22. Return of the Soldier

Part 22 Return of the Soldier

Part 22Return of the Soldier

//Pain.Not only in my body, but also in my heart.How can one deal with this agony?//

I sit up in my hospital bed, the crisp sheets falling into a linen puddle around my waist.Nothing like a near death experience to make you think past on your life.Now that I think back on it, my years at the academy were the best years of my life, even after Jeremy was gone.Noin was still there, although at that time I was still calling her Lu.We were the support that got each other through.She helped me see that even though I had lost one of the only friends I had ever had, I still had much to live for.

I graduated from the academy a short time later, the top of my class. Noin was second, I feel that she has always been the second person in my life.We had always been in the top two spots, but Noin never rose to number one.I often wonder why that was, she was smart enough to have surpassed me, but she never did.

After the academy we went our separate ways, in a sense.We both joined the alliance.I joined in order to fulfill a promise; she joined to avenge men she had never known.I went into the combat division while she taught new members how to pilot.My support was finally gone, but I had built up enough courage to stand on my own.

I have been in the alliance for five months now.I have earned many honors from my superiors and the nickname "The Lightening Count".They said I have a regal bearing about me, some joke that I am too high and mighty acting.Those are the pathetic soldiers who would turn tail and hide at the beginning of a battle.They were the ones who did.

It was a battle in which we should have been victorious.A simple mission; go in, take out the rebels, and destroy the evidence of their actions.It was simple until the rebels turned on us.We had completely underestimated their arsenal.When the suits attacked we were out numbered two to one.They were unskilled pilots, but a look at their numbers caused a quarter of my men to retreat.They will all be spending time court marshaled for their actions.

When the battle truly began we fought hard striking down five enemy suits for each one of ours that we lost.The tide was quickly turning in our favor.I never expected sabotage.One of our own turned on me, striking me down.It was unexpected and I barely had enough time to protect myself from the worst of the blow.Battered and bleeding, I attacked.The surge of power that went through my veins caused me not only to disable the suit, but to also rip it to pieces.I have never experienced that amount of primal vengeance in my life, and I hope never to feel it again.

A knock at my door brings be out of my reminiscing.Noin left a few hours ago to report for duty.She has come to visit me every day since I was placed in this antiseptic smelling basement, but it couldn't be her coming back.I ponder ignoring the knock; it would most likely be a nurse coming in to do those routine checks that they find so direly important.

"Yes," I call, although I'm not in the mood for any visitors.The face that appears is familiar even though I haven't seen it in years.The red hair, the regal bearing.The only thing different is the uniform.The Lake Victoria uniform has been replaced with that of the Alliance."Treize." I whisper, wondering if this is only a medication induced vision.

"I have come to wish you a speedy recovery, Zechs."He looks at me speculatively."Get dressed."He orders before turning to leave the room.

"Nani?"

"You heard my order soldier.You look well enough to travel."He offers no more of an explanation before exiting the room.

An order from a commanding officer cannot be taken lightly, even if he is not my commanding officer.I carefully pull myself out of the bed and over to the dresser where Noin had placed a new uniform for me.I dress being cautious of my abdominal wound and the IV placed in my hand.I sit down on the bed to pull on my boots when a nurse comes in holding a few supplies in her hands.

"Ok Zechs, let's just take that IV out."She takes my hand and starts peeling off the tape."I can't believe they're just letting you walk out of here.There's no way that Dr. Froat would let you out now, except he can't go against the General.All I have to say is that you better be careful with that wound and you check up with the infirmary doctor in a couple days, if not tomorrow."She finishes pulling the IV out and places a bandage tight around my hand."Be good."

"Thank you." I reply standing up and exiting the room that I had spent a week holed up in.

Treize is waiting in the hallway leaning against the wall.His head hangs as he is deep in thought.He hears my approach and looks at me appreciatively."Are you ready?"

"Hai."

He leads me out of the hospital to where an executive military vehicle awaits us.We enter the inconspicuous black car.

"Treize, where are we going?" I question.My only answer is a smile.I decide not to try and get answers.We only travel for half an hour before the driver pulls us over.He opens the door for Treize and I to exit the vehicle before saluting.Treize returns the salute and gestures me to follow him.

As we enter the cemetery I feel a crushing weight upon my chest as if the souls of the damned have risen from their shallow tombs in order to pull me into their hellish world.Treize appears content as he walks through the tall green grass being careful not to step on anyone's final resting place.Our destination lies under a great oak, shaded from the blazing noon sun.As I read the inscription I fall to my knees.Buried.He was supposed to remain buried.

"Zechs, you can't run from your past.There will come a time when the demons that you have buried will come up to haunt you.The demons that you have created yourself.Don't forget the past, learn from it."He pulls the carnation that was resting in his chest pocket off and places it on the headstone."I have made mistakes in my life.Not caring enough about this person was one of them.The saying 'you don't know what you have until it is gone' is true.I don't want you to make the same mistake as I did Milliardo."

That name.I hadn't heard that name in over ten years."How?"

"I am an OZ general, I find out all the information about those soldiers under my command."

"Sir?"

"You are being transferred per my request, Lieutenant.But, I have some information for you.Your sister, Relena Peacecraft, did not perish during the battle at the Sanq Kingdom.She is living as Relena Dorlian, daughter of the Vice Foreign Minister.I tell you this so you can choose not to make the same mistake that I made.I know you will use it wisely."

My eyes return to the grave's inscription.Unbury the past, learn from it, and live on.Sayonara Jeremy.I will live on.


End file.
